How Did You Come Out?

[houstonmacbro]

Wondering how you 'came out'? To friends, family, or co-workers. Was it a horrifying experience (were you outed?) or was it like a big relief ...?

If you haven't come out, why not?

If you know someone who came out, how'd they do it?

[HtownWxBoy]

Wondering how you 'came out'? To friends, family, or co-workers. Was it a horrifying experience (were you outed?) or was it like a big relief ...?

If you haven't come out, why not?

If you know someone who came out, how'd they do it?

Came out to friends in college after it became too painful to continue to live a lie... they were extremely accepting... many saying "no kidding!". I haven't told my family yet... the reason is a bit complicated and too personal for these boards. I haven't actually told any of my coworkers (the few that are gay know)... but I would tell them if they asked. I am just over that "having to tell people" phase. I have never heard a straight person having to come out as straight, so I don't feel like I have to do it anymore as gay. Again, if they asked, I would surely tell them the truth.

[ricco67]

I come out every day. I wake up, go to the closet, get out, get dressed, and go out into the world.

I know many people that come outside alot. Most come out in different hours. Different kinds of clothes and different ways of coming out and going on their daily lives.

[HtownWxBoy]

I come out every day. I wake up, go to the closet, get out, get dressed, and go out into the world.

I know many people that come outside alot. Most come out in different hours. Different kinds of clothes and different ways of coming out and going on their daily lives.

...

[Montrose1100]

I came out of my mom's stomach, she had a c-section... and how did everyone else come out?

I'm just kidding. I haven't come out yet at all, except to my closest friends. Oh yeah, and everyone here, and every gay person i've met. Why? Because I'm scared... going to Abilene Christian University soon doesn't help either. Just an extra 4 years I'll be living in fear... and after that, I don't know if I could ever tell my parents, expecially my father.

[HtownWxBoy]

I came out of my mom's stomach, she had a c-section... and how did everyone else come out?

I'm just kidding. I haven't come out yet at all, except to my closest friends. Oh yeah, and everyone here, and every gay person i've met. Why? Because I'm scared... going to Abilene Christian University soon doesn't help either. Just an extra 4 years I'll be living in fear... and after that, I don't know if I could ever tell my parents, expecially my father.

Do you have to go there ... can't you go somewhere else? Going away to college is what really helped me. I got out of High School which I hated and was really able to "start over"... really came out of my shell and then out of the closet. he he

[jm1fd]

I'm just kidding. I haven't come out yet at all, except to my closest friends. Oh yeah, and everyone here, and every gay person i've met. Why? Because I'm scared... going to Abilene Christian University soon doesn't help either. Just an extra 4 years I'll be living in fear...

Why? Why on EARTH would you subject yourself to that? Surely there are other places where you can get just as good (if not better) an education.

[Pumapayam]

Why? Why on EARTH would you subject yourself to that? Surely there are other places where you can get just as good (if not better) an education.

I came out am got a beat down from my Dad.

Needless to say, he spent a night in jail for that, and we have had a rocky relationship since then.

[HtownWxBoy]

I came out am got a beat down from my Dad.

Needless to say, he spent a night in jail for that, and we have had a rocky relationship since then.

I am sorry to hear that... that shouldn't happen to anyone.

[Montrose1100]

Why? Why on EARTH would you subject yourself to that? Surely there are other places where you can get just as good (if not better) an education.

They have a good Graphic Design/Advertising and Business program... my best, and alot of my other friends are going there.

[nmainguy]

I was never in so there was no place to come out of. I always knew I prefered men and never pretended otherwise. I was [and am] lucky to be born into the family I have.

[HtownWxBoy]

I was never in so there was no place to come out of. I always knew I prefered men and never pretended otherwise. I was [and am] lucky to be born into the family I have.

I have always known that I was attracted to other guys, also... though unfortunately not everyone has it so easy that they don't have to "pretend otherwise".

[Montrose1100]

I was never in so there was no place to come out of. I always knew I prefered men and never pretended otherwise. I was [and am] lucky to be born into the family I have.

Really? I actually liked girls from until I got into 6th grade, when they seperated us for P.E., and we had to "dress out".

[jm1fd]

I came out am got a beat down from my Dad.

Needless to say, he spent a night in jail for that, and we have had a rocky relationship since then.

Wow. That's terrible. Should've been a hell of a lot more than one night.

[houstonmacbro]

I was never in so there was no place to come out of. I always knew I prefered men and never pretended otherwise. I was [and am] lucky to be born into the family I have.

Funny thing is people always assume I am one way and are very surprised to find out that I have a male partner. In fact, they border on disbelief more than shock. I never really feel the need to correct people one way or the other so that adds to the confusion I guess, but why is it that people assume things. People assume I like this kind of woman (furthest thing from my mind) or want to hook me up with this girlfriend, or that I just haven't found the RIGHT woman (all women dummies!). Hello, I'm 41 fricken years old and NOT married. That should give someone a clue, but Noooooo.

Ha!

Anyhow, I am not DL (downlow as it's known in the black community), but I do not act like the sterotypical gay male ... nor do I dwell on sexuality (mine or others) much. That said, ALL my true friends know my sexuality, most of my good acquaintances (people that I'd go out to dinner with or to a club), and of course my immediate and extended family (who has always been more than accepting).

Co-workers and the workplace are completely different animals as I don't feel completely 'safe' in my workplace or that it wouldn't be used against me somehow .. you know (double-whammy ... minority and gay ...whew!), although there are a few folks that know because they've asked directly and I've answered their questions directly.

Anyhow ... thoughts?

[travelguy_73]

Came out my senior year at A&M after attending my first gay pride parade in Dallas. Met the coolest guys that weekend who convinced me that being gay was truly OK. I sort of went back in the closet during my first job (tax work in an oil and gas company), but then decided they want my talent they would have to accept me as a person. It's worked out really well...successful career and life. No regrets.

[nmainguy]

Funny thing is people always assume I am one way and are very surprised to find out that I have a male partner. In fact, they border on disbelief more than shock. I never really feel the need to correct people one way or the other so that adds to the confusion I guess, but why is it that people assume things. People assume I like this kind of woman (furthest thing from my mind) or want to hook me up with this girlfriend, or that I just haven't found the RIGHT woman (all women dummies!). Hello, I'm 41 fricken years old and NOT married. That should give someone a clue, but Noooooo.

Ha!

Anyhow, I am not DL (downlow as it's known in the black community), but I do not act like the sterotypical gay male ... nor do I dwell on sexuality (mine or others) much. That said, ALL my true friends know my sexuality, most of my good acquaintances (people that I'd go out to dinner with or to a club), and of course my immediate and extended family (who has always been more than accepting).

Co-workers and the workplace are completely different animals as I don't feel completely 'safe' in my workplace or that it wouldn't be used against me somehow .. you know (double-whammy ... minority and gay ...whew!), although there are a few folks that know because they've asked directly and I've answered their questions directly.

Anyhow ... thoughts?

Well we all at one time or another make assumptions about people we know nothing about. That being said, I relate to your description that you don't appear like the sterotypical gay male. I don't either. Those I care about and who care about me are not concerned with my sexual orientation. I've attempted to engage those who disparage my orientation and have been succesfull in some instances. When I've been successful it's great. When not it's been a sad loss all the way around. I also understand your co-worker issues. Fortunatly for me, I have always been an employer which gave me power over those that would attempt to use an employee's sexual orientation against them. As a result one female was dismissed for poor performance as she refused to co-operate with a lesbian co-worker. That was a rare case when someone was not dismissed because of sexual orientation-it was a case of someone useing a fellow employee's orientation as an excuse to not perform the duties she was hired for. BTW, the EEOC challange she presented failed miserably.

[houstonmacbro]

The weird part is that when I lived in further north (mid-Atlantic actually) it was never a big deal. My co-workers, bosses, and colleagues knew me and my (then) mate. But I work in a conservative institution and I hear the conversations that take place (usually over lunch) ... and know that 'coming out' isn't a wide move either socially or career-wise. It's a shame really, because on the surface many of these people seem progressive and innovative, but socio-politically when it comes to human rights and equality, they often seem like they live in another time.

[EastEnd Susan]

The weird part is that when I lived in further north (mid-Atlantic actually) it was never a big deal. My co-workers, bosses, and colleagues knew me and my (then) mate. But I work in a conservative institution and I hear the conversations that take place (usually over lunch) ... and know that 'coming out' isn't a wide move either socially or career-wise. It's a shame really, because on the surface many of these people seem progressive and innovative, but socio-politically when it comes to human rights and equality, they often seem like they live in another time.

Friends from Portland Oregon say Its a very gay friendly town. You can even be on your partners insurance.

[Pumapayam]

I am sorry to hear that... that shouldn't happen to anyone.

Sad but true, but it still happens, especially verbally on here in HAIF even.

I have gotten some nasty PM's from 3 of the members on here using horrible labels.

You learn to ignore it and value the people that matter.

Those people don't matter as they obviously have to say those things to feel better about themselves.

[TheNiche]

I came out of my mom's stomach, she had a c-section... and how did everyone else come out?

That's exactly what I thought when I first saw the title of this thread. Head first.

[Saddleman]

I know I was lucky. I never really had to 'come out' exactly. I just started bringing guys to family events. Everyone knew anyways. My mom said she knew I was gay when she was pregnate with me. She thinks she's psychic. I personally have never had a problem at work and school. There has been a couple of incedents out in the 'real world', but I confronted the people when it happened. I didn't let them bully me. I think that if you are gay, you should let the world know. Until all gay people come out, it will still be 'okay' for others to be homophobic. In the short term, there may be a cost, but in the long term, it's better for us all. You may or may not lose a friend, a job, a family member, a barber, a house, or whatever, and that will suck. But you will gain freedom for yourself and other gay people. It's little things that change people's minds that then change the world.

[dbigtex56]

The weird part is that when I lived in further north (mid-Atlantic actually) it was never a big deal. My co-workers, bosses, and colleagues knew me and my (then) mate. But I work in a conservative institution and I hear the conversations that take place (usually over lunch) ... and know that 'coming out' isn't a wide move either socially or career-wise. It's a shame really, because on the surface many of these people seem progressive and innovative, but socio-politically when it comes to human rights and equality, they often seem like they live in another time.

I can really sympathize, having worked for a large conservative corporation. For the most part being 'out' wasn't a problem - until I was assigned to a certain woman's group. She was the sort who give Christians a bad name in some circles. Had the nerve to tell my co-workers that she prayed I'd be healed of my affliction, used to lisp when talking to me (and only to me), would spray Lysol on the phone after I used it (!), etc. She also was the only supervisor who ever gave me anything but excellent reviews. When faced with her behavior, she would either deny it or claim she was only joking. Ha. Ha.

On the other hand, I think it's incumbant on a person to challenge bigotry when confronted with it. A simple statement such as "I have gay family members, and worry that they'll be mistreated" can go a long way towards shutting people up. It's much the same as confronting racist remarks. A sledgehammer response usually isn't needed to shame people into more appropriate workplace conversation.

[Trae]

Sad but true, but it still happens, especially verbally on here in HAIF even.

I have gotten some nasty PM's from 3 of the members on here using horrible labels.

You learn to ignore it and value the people that matter.

Those people don't matter as they obviously have to say those things to feel better about themselves.

Wow, can't believe people have done that on here.

[TJones]

I came out of my mom's stomach, she had a c-section... and how did everyone else come out?

I'm just kidding. I haven't come out yet at all, except to my closest friends. Oh yeah, and everyone here, and every gay person i've met. Why? Because I'm scared... going to Abilene Christian University soon doesn't help either. Just an extra 4 years I'll be living in fear... and after that, I don't know if I could ever tell my parents, expecially my father.

Why are you underestimating your parents ? Give them a little more credit, they might surprise you. Have your parents ever expressed a bigotry towards Homosexuals while you were present? You know, perhaps Dad gave you an "elbow", or one of those "look over there at those Homos." look ?

I came out am got a beat down from my Dad.

Needless to say, he spent a night in jail for that, and we have had a rocky relationship since then.

Sorry to hear that Puma, that is terrible. You didn't deserve that AT ALL !

I myself have no closet and never have, so nowhere to come out of. I've loved women since I was about 9 yrs old. Married, 2 kids, yadda, yadda, yadda. I have never been mistaken for gay or even remotely possibly gay. Absolutely no plans to be on the DL either. I am such a Republican, chauvinistic pig. But, I DO support all my Gay brothers, yes even you nmain, you are my number one Gay, I mean guy. I would consider myself almost Metrosexual, but I am a little too rough and rugged to fit that image. Gay men probably look at me and say to themselves," AS IF, Ewwwwwww!" or is it " Ewwwwwww, AS IF !" ?

[gwilson]

I told my parents like this...

"Dad and Dad...I'm straight."

It was no secret. They fully support me. Great feeling.

;o)

I've never actually asked this question of my gay friends. I'm sure I'd get some interesting answers. Future alcohol talk. Thanks for the idea.

[Trae]

I have no closet to come out of either. I found out that I was straight in kindergarten when I liked this one girl named Laura (still friends with her, too).

[Montrose1100]

Why are you underestimating your parents ? Give them a little more credit, they might surprise you. Have your parents ever expressed a bigotry towards Homosexuals while you were present? You know, perhaps Dad gave you an "elbow", or one of those "look over there at those Homos." look ?

Why are you patronizing me? If anyone knows my parents best, it would be me. Yes they have both expressed a bigotry towards homosexuals, one more so then the other.

[Pumapayam]

Sorry to hear that Puma, that is terrible. You didn't deserve that AT ALL !

I actually ended up documenting it for a final paper for my freshman sociology class.

The night before it was due, I got cold feet because of the content and turned in an old high school paper I wrote about male patterned baldness instead.

Needless to say, she noticed the quality of the work and ask me where my original topic was. I got an extra day extension and turned in my work about coming out of the closet and the whole ordeal with my father.

I had the story still, on an old 3.5 floppy disk from 1998.

[TheNiche]

Why are you patronizing me? If anyone knows my parents best, it would be me. Yes they have both expressed a bigotry towards homosexuals, one more so then the other.

...yeah, might be a good idea to wait until you're out of the house.

Tough spot to be in.