Walmart Joke Of The Day

[eelimon]

Top 20 Fun Things to do at Wal-Mart

1. Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.

2. Ride those little electronic cars at the front of the store.

3. Set all the alarm clocks to go off at ten minute intervals throughout the day.

4. Contaminate the entire auto department by sampling all the spray air fresheners.

5. Challenge other customers to duels with tubes of gift wrap.

6. Leave cryptic messages on the typewriters.

7. Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.

8. When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.

9. Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code 3 in Housewares," and see what happens.

10. Play with the automatic doors.

11. While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this crap, anyway?"

12. Repeat Number 14 in the jewellry department.

13. Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."

14. Follow people through the aisles, always staying about five feet away. Continue to do this until they leave the department.

15. Play soccer with a group of friends, using the entire store as your playing field.

16. As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"

17. Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.

18. Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.

19. Test the fishing rods and see what you can "catch" from the other aisles.

20. Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin--to the Batcave!"

Found at: http://www.jokeemail.com/youknow/youknow4.htm

[eelimon]

I don't know exactly where I heard this but anyhow here it goes:

You might be a redneck if....

your baby's first words are... "Attention Walmart shoppers."

[eelimon]

I found this at:http://www.funnypart.com/funny_jokes/blind_walmart_fishing_advice.shtml

Blind Wal-Mart Fishing Advice

A woman goes into Wal-Mart to buy a rod and reel. She doesn't know which one to get so she just grabs one and goes over to the register. A Wal-Mart associate is standing there with dark shades on. She says, ''Excuse me, sir, can you tell me anything about this rod and reel?''

He says, ''Ma'am, I'm blind but if you drop it on the counter I can tell you everything you need to know about it from the sound that it makes.''

She didn't believe him, but dropped it on the counter anyway. He said, ''That's a 6' graphite rod with Zebco 202 reel and 10 lb. test line. It's a good all-around rod and reel and it's $20.00.''

She says, ''That's amazing that you can tell all that just by the sound of it dropping on the counter. I think it's what I'm looking for so I'll take it.''

He walks behind the counter to the register. Just then, the woman farts. At first she is embarrassed but then realizes that there is no way he could tell it was her

[ssullivan]

I go to two Wal Marts - Atoscocita and El Dorado.

Both are spic and span clean. 

And the Atoscocita location was tree friendly in its design.

Yeah but both of those are in nicer suburban areas.

Check out the Wal-Marts inside the beltway and you'll see a totally different story. Most of those haven't seen a good cleaning in years.

I have a lot of reasons for not shopping at Wal-Mart other than the fact that many of their stores are generally dirty, poorly merchandised, and staffed by grossly incompetent employees. Maybe not wanting to put up with unkept stores, incredibly slow checkout lines, and tons of screaming undisciplined kids running around the store makes me shallow. Maybe it means I spend an extra $25-30 over the course of the year on things I buy elsewhere that I could be buying at Wal-Mart. They aren't that much cheaper on 95% of the items they sell, and are actually higher priced than their competitors on nearly 40% of their items. But I'd rather pay a little extra for a pleasant shopping experience.

[GoAtomic]

Well it is the same crap as Target, just better priced.  Why pay more for the same stuff?  Seems kind of stupid.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Target's merchandise is anything but the same as Wal-Marts. Not only do they have a larger variety of stuff, they hire talented designers to create original, fun versions of standard merchandise (which is why it's more expensive to shop there). They also flip the inventory mix several times a year to keep it fresh and original.

Wal-Mart most definitely does not do that. IMHO, it's the same cheap 'crap' every time you go in there, with very few exceptions.

The trick to bargain shopping at Target is to wait for it to go on sale (it always does), OR wait until they put it on Clearance (they always do). To get the Clearance items, you have to go in several times a week and WATCH. Once the stuff is marked down, it's gone, and they don't follow a routine for the markdowns. Kind of fun, actually.

But, I also feel obligated to buy at some stuff at regular price. I don't mind, since I'm saving on everything else. Gotta keep them in the black, you know ...

[kjb434]

Whether its a designer name or it or not, its still shipped in from Asia. The designer name is just a marketing tool. The designer gives some designs to Targets people and they move forward with production.

The name allows for to be charged little more. I'm not saying this is bad. A lot of people like the products and buy.

As for selection. Wal-Mart does have every other store like it beat. Many products are sold at Wal-Mart and only Wal-Mart since the product maker can meet their profits without having another distributor.

Wal-Mart sets the standard on many of the products you by at Target.

Ever wonder why some products just changes designs or marketing?

All major product vendors have offices in Bentonville, Arkansas next to Wal-Mart so that they work together. Wal-Mart sells so much that these companies will do what Wal-Mart tells them to do to sell more. Their partnership is mutually beneficial for them.

Target or K-Mart or any other retail outlet does not have this influence.

In the end, it truly does not matter to me.

I don't hold ill will towards a store. If the store is not what you want to shop at, then don't. Easy enough. You dont' have to have hard in stone answer why. You just don't like the store because of ______ (dirty, bad service, selection).

I never like K-Mart growing up in Louisiana because of selection, but when I move to Houston and K-Mart still existed, I shopped there and it was nice compared to Wal-Mart.

I never shopped Target until I moved to Houston. I just don't see much difference. How the store appears to me doesn't affect me at all? I just shop at the closer one.

But that's just me.

[dbigtex56]

Hey,

Wal-Mart News!!!

I don't think the News Media will mention this:

Wal-Mart has given $1million dollars to the Red Cross Specifically for the clean up. 

I guess they aren't a bunch of big corporate meanies after all.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Oh, the News Media mentioned it, all right.

They also mentioned that Office Depot is donating $1 million, and that Target is donating $1.5 million. This, despite the fact that their profits are dwarfed by those of Wal-Mart.

[YakuzaIce]

Oh, the News Media mentioned it, all right.

They also mentioned that Office Depot is donating $1 million, and that Target is donating $1.5 million. This, despite the fact that their profits are dwarfed by those of Wal-Mart.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Exactly I am sure there are some private citizens donating more than one million. That is pretty sad for the US's largest company. By the way Shell has donated $2 million to the red cross, and will match up to $1 million given by employees. Not only that, but they are going to continue to pay their employees in the affected areas while they can't work. Plus they are offering a $10,000 interest free loan to employees who were affected by the storm.

[YakuzaIce]

I don't know if anyone has posted this but here are some of the corporate donations. It does not even include all of them though.

http://money.cnn.com/2005/08/31/news/fortu...irms_hurricane/

...Abbott, a pharmaceutical and medical products company, has pledged to contribute $4 million, $2 million in cash donations and an initial $2 million in nutritional and medical products to help victims of Hurricane Katrina. Abbott's initial contributions include cases of pediatric and adult nutritional products such as Similac infant formula, PediaSure and Pedialyte nutritional drinks and Ensure and ZonePerfect bars.

Amerada Hess said it would contribute $1 million to the American Red Cross for its disaster relief efforts in responding to Hurricane Katrina. In addition, the company will match individual employee donations to the Red Cross.

American Airlines flew 85,000 pounds of bottled water and nonperishable food items donated by the airline to New Orleans. American also picked up some of its own employees, other airlines' employees and stranded travelers and flew them to Dallas/Fort Worth.

Anheuser-Busch said it shipped 12,600 cases of drinking water for the Red Cross to distribute to victims in affected areas of Louisiana....

[eelimon]

I hear there is a clearance sale at all the Wal-mart's in NOLA.

[RedScare]

Oh, the News Media mentioned it, all right.

They also mentioned that Office Depot is donating $1 million, and that Target is donating $1.5 million. This, despite the fact that their profits are dwarfed by those of Wal-Mart.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Well, WalMart has also donated all of the inventory currently in their New Orleans stores, including their large collection of firearms.

Back to corporate contributors, my brother said Exxon made a $2 million contribution, and will continue paychecks for their employees, as well. They have a very large presence in NO and Baton Rouge. They are also providing fuel and lubricants to government rescuers.

[MidtownCoog]

Here is a funny one for all you Target fans:

STRAIGHT RIGHTS UPDATE: There were two disturbing developments in the battle over straight rights last week. First, we know that Target fills its ads with dancing, multi-culti hipsters giving off a tolerant, urbanist vibe and runs hipster-heavy ad campaigns positioning Target as a slightly more expensive, more progressive alternative to Wal-Mart. Well, as John Aravosis revealed on Americablog.org last week, Target

[dbigtex56]

Too bad Dan doesn't know how to tell a joke, because what he's saying is pretty funny.

[HeightsGuy]

You see plenty of Mercedes from Royal Oaks in the Wal-Mart parking lot on Weshteimer.

You don't get rich by blowing your money.

Print It

Rich people may shop at Walmart and Target, but they aren't getting clothes or other durable goods. I'll agree that Walmart and Target are good places to buy certain things, but you have to be careful what you buy there. It's one thing to buy a cd for $4.00 cheaper at Walmart compared to other places, it's quite another to buy the off-brand items they are both famous for. Who cares if I can buy a shirt there that looks identical to shirts double the cost of other stores. If they wear out or shrink in 1/4th the time it's a waste in the end. Same goes for 90% of the products at either store. Go ahead, buy that coffee maker for $19.99, I'll bet you're replacing it next summer. It goes on and on. I used to drop a lot of dimes into that place, but eventually I got tired of everything crapping out on me. I now only buy high-priced quality goods.

I made the switch to taylored business dress shirts a few years ago. I spend $100 per shirt, but the dress shirts I bought 2 years ago are still perfect. This spring I caved and bought a dress shirt on sale at Target for $19.99 thinking I got a good deal, and already the thing has shrunk a size and the stitching is starting to fray.

Low prices at Target and Walmart are just illusions.

[RedScare]

I still laugh at my office partner who insisted on buying the stylish $100 Braun coffee maker for our office. It broke in less than a year. The $19.99 Mr. Coffee that I bought at Target 7 years ago is still going strong. In fact, I'm drinking a cup right now.

I don't buy clothes there, unless it is a pair of Levi's or T-shirts and underwear.

[MidtownCoog]

On a related note, this weekend HEB beat Wal-Mart on Kleenex tissues and Hefty trash bags.

Go figure.

[west20th]

Here is a funny one for all you Target fans:

STRAIGHT RIGHTS UPDATE: There were two disturbing developments in the battle over straight rights last week. First, we know that Target fills its ads with dancing, multi-culti hipsters giving off a tolerant, urbanist vibe and runs hipster-heavy ad campaigns positioning Target as a slightly more expensive, more progressive alternative to Wal-Mart. Well, as John Aravosis revealed on Americablog.org last week, Target

Edited November 8, 2005 by west20th

[YakuzaIce]

On a related note, this weekend HEB beat Wal-Mart on Kleenex tissues and Hefty trash bags.

Go figure.

Ok...you can usually find things cheaper at other places than walmart, you just have to check ads.

[Montrose1100]

Target has really uped its image. I'm actually proud of them, and some of the commercials on t.v. actually make me laugh. (In a good way).

Wal*Mart won't ever become a luxurious name (nor target) no matter what.

But then again, Lamborgini started out making tractors :/

[HeightsGuy]

Ok...you can usually find things cheaper at other places than walmart, you just have to check ads.

That's the truth. It's pretty well documented that the only place Walmart slays the competition is with loss leaders and end caps (end caps are the displays at the end of every aisle, loss leaders are the items Walmart piles up in the main corridors). The idea is that people will come in for the $39.99 window unit air conditioner, but then look at the rest of the selection of window units. When people see the $39.99 price tag on the loss leader, they assume that every air conditioner is discounted as low as that. So, the consumer goes in thinking they are going to spend $39.99 but get hooked on the $99.99 air conditioner with more shiny buttons thinking it must be a great deal too, but in fact the $99.99 air conditioner can probably be found elsewhere for $79.99 if they did the slightest bit of research.

Walmart is very, very, very good at what they do.

[nmainguy]

Every Wal-mart I've been to was dirty. The employees looked absolutly miserable being there.

Their clothing-for the most part-is simply shoddy. I agree with HeightsGuy. I'll spend 2x more for a shirt or pair of pants and they will last 4x longer than any of the crap you could buy at Wal-mart. And they fit better and look better style-wise.

In any event, I really have no reason to go to a Wal-mart. The closest one to me is on 290 and is as filthy as they come.

And they gave $1,000,000 for Katrina relief? WOWWEY ZOWWEY! Sandra Bullock gave that much. I guess Wal-mart didn't want to dip TOO deep into their profits. Maybe they could just give some of their employees a cut in wages. Or do away with the already meager health care insurance they offer.

[eelimon]

I thought this was a little funny:

Here is a picture of a happy Wal-mart employee:

This picture is just sick:

Dang look at this guy:

This was proposed at there last employee meeting as the official uniform but was shot down:

Edited November 9, 2005 by eelimon

[Montrose1100]

This picture is just sick:

Dude, thats my lover... Thanks for making fun of him... you jerk!!!