Children Attacking Parents In Rising Numbers

[musicman]

Many times the victims are bruised in a fight or shoved down stairs. Others are stabbed with scissors. Last November, one was beaten to death with a hammer.

And the suspects, in more than 1,800 cases documented in Harris County over a recent 2

Edited April 13, 2007 by musicman

[bachanon]

Many times the victims are bruised in a fight or shoved down stairs. Others are stabbed with scissors. Last November, one was beaten to death with a hammer.

And the suspects, in more than 1,800 cases documented in Harris County over a recent 2

Edited April 17, 2007 by bachanon

[houstonmacbro]

Now for all y'all that love to quote the bible when there are gay issues, etc. read this:

"Now the brother shall betray the brother to death, and the

father the son; and children shall rise up against their

parents, and shall cause them to be put to death. And ye

shall be hated of all men for my name's sake: but he that

shall endure unto the end, the same shall be saved."

http://www.endtimeprophecy.net/EPN-1/Verse...s/verse194.html

[Double L]

I think the current generation is much more violent than previous generations and this is just a side effect.

[Talbot]

I always find it horrible when I hear about a parent hurting/killing their children or children hurting/killing their parents. I just can't see how someone can fathom wanting to hurt people of the same blood for such stupid reasons.

I also wonder why parents, especially these days aren't doing more to get their kids to behave. I know a woman that is actually scared of one of her 10 yr. old children because he pulled a butcher knife on here once. It would be less likely of him to do that had she been a little more willing to turn him around and put a decent red mark on his rear. Never would I think of disrespecting my parents in such a manner.

[musicman]

Now for all y'all that love to quote the bible when there are gay issues, etc. read this:

so you're saying this is a gay issue?

[houstonmacbro]

so you're saying this is a gay issue?

Isn't it ALWAYS a gay issue?

[Vertigo58]

Doesn't surprise me one bit. It will increase. I am not a child psychologist but everyone knows kids really eat up the stuff the see on TV even more access to violence now more than ever. The consequences are the last thing they comprehend. There is that new crappy show about Nanny's replacing the real parents. Even though they are instructed to ham-it-up on the screen, the kids in TV land eat that junk up. The commercials show the brats cursing and throwing objects at the guest. TV has gone too far. Then again too many parents act like "friends" not parents. The Simpsons and numerous other cartoons do this as the norm. All you see is constant back talk, sassing and just fu to the parents. Blame ourselves for letting our guards down but again its all about ratings and the almighty $$$.

[musicman]

Isn't it ALWAYS a gay issue?

for 1 member yes....however i see this as a bad/lack of parenting issue.

[CDeb]

for 1 member yes

You're just not nice.

[millennica]

Then again too many parents act like "friends" not parents.

An article in the NYTimes about parents and their children (see below)

Link to article <http://www.nytimes.com/aponline/us/AP-Bribing-Kids.html>

Many Parents Admit They Bribe Their Kids

By THE ASSOCIATED PRESS

Published: April 16, 2007

Filed at 11:30 p.m. ET

CHICAGO (AP) -- Call it a reward, or just ''bribery.'' Whichever it is, many parents today readily admit to buying off their children, who get goodies for anything from behaving in a restaurant to sleeping all night in their own beds. Often, the rewards are for behaviors their own parents would have simply expected, just because they said so.

The new dynamic -- sometimes seen as a backlash to that strictness -- has some parenting experts wondering if today's parents have gone too soft.

''It's definitely more our generation,'' Kirsten Whipple, a 35-year-old mom in Northbrook, Ill., says with a quiet laugh. ''I'm sure our parents would be appalled if they knew how much we bribe our children.''

She can see why they might be -- but she and her husband try not to overuse rewards and have found they work best for smaller things. For instance, they might offer their boys, ages 5 and 8, a special dessert or a chance to rent a video game if they listen to their baby sitter. A good report card might earn a dinner out to celebrate.

Whipple has noticed a downside though -- what she calls a ''sense of entitlement.''

''Often times, it leads to good behavior with a question attached: 'What are you going to give me?''' she says.

That's part of what worries parenting experts.

''I think that reward systems have a time and a place and work really well to help develop capacities -- if we need them to go above and beyond,'' says Marcy Safyer, director of the Adelphi University Institute for Parenting.

She remembers how, as a child, her own parents promised her an ice cream if she could sit quietly through religious services.

''But what often gets lost for people is being able to figure out how to communicate to their kids that doing the thing is rewarding enough,'' Safyer says.

Feeling rested in the morning, for instance, could be seen as the reward for not getting up at night.

''Instead, parents are paying their kids to get good grades; they pay their kids to go to sleep, pay their kids to be toilet trained,'' Safyer says, meaning payment as a material reward.

Parents and experts alike agree that the dynamic is partly a reflection of the world we live in -- where many families have more than previous generations.

It's unrealistic to think a parent wouldn't reward their children with material things sometimes, says Robin Lanzi, a clinical psychologist and mother of four who's the research director at the Center on Health and Education at Georgetown University.

''But you want to make sure that they match the behavior, so it's not something huge for something small,'' Lanzi says.

She recalls hearing about a father who offered his child a Nintendo Wii game system for scoring a couple goals in a soccer game.

''There's always this upping the ante,'' Lanzi says. ''What was a reward 20 or 30 years ago is a whole lot different than it is now.''

Elizabeth Powell, a mother of two young daughters in Austin, Texas, knows what she means.

''You want to raise them in a way that they're respectful and appreciate things,'' Powell says of her children. ''But sometimes, you wonder now if kids appreciate even a new pair of shoes.''

That was something she remembers being a big deal to her as a kid -- as were the ice creams and 45 rpm records, or very occasional trips to McDonald's.

These days, she sees children negotiating to get things in a way she never would've dreamed of. ''A lot of my friends, I see them cave, just like I have a tendency to do -- just to get them to be quiet,'' Powell says.

She and other parents agree that striking a balance with rewards -- and not giving them so often that they mean nothing -- is the goal.

Powell sometimes lets her 5-year-old daughter shop at a store she likes, if she behaves for an entire trip to the mall.

She doesn't want it to become an expectation. But she also concedes that having two kids has made it more difficult to stick to the ideal, especially in public settings.

''There are times when you have a second child, and you've got to change a diaper. And you find yourself telling your (older) child that 'I will do anything you want if you will just stand here and behave,''' says Powell, who's 34.

''Sometimes, desperate situations call for desperate measures.''

Those who specialize in child behavior say they hear those kinds of stories from parents all the time -- and often try to suggest methods that don't involve material rewards.

Sometimes, ''because I said so'' is still a valid tactic. But for something like sleeping in their own bed, Safyer suggests putting stars on a chart for each night the child is able to stay in his or her room -- and then making a big deal about the progress.

''Parents' pride in their children goes a long way,'' she says.

Claire Lerner -- director of parenting resources for the Washington, D.C., nonprofit Zero To Three -- also recalls a couple whose child would only brush his teeth if he got a reward.

She suggested the parents emphasize the benefits of just getting it done.

''To have a power struggle takes up a lot of time and eats into the bedtime routine,'' Lerner says. ''So you can tell them that if they brush their teeth, 'We have time for an extra book or an extra lullaby or five more minutes in the bath' -- whatever it is they really love.

''That's a real-life consequence.''

------

On the Net:

Adelphi: http://www.adelphi.edu/parentinginstitute/

Zero to Three: http://www.zerotothree.org

[Houston1stWordOnTheMoon]

I wonder how many of these kids are from single family homes?

How many are from homes where the parents are absent?

How many are from homes where the parents are absent even while physically present?

How many are from homes where discipline is something thats as foreign as moon dust?

How many are from homes where the boundaries between parent and child are so blurred until they arent recognizable?

Are you seeing a pattern here?

Parenting or the lack there of is the cause of this stuff.

[ssullivan]

Parenting or the lack there of is the cause of this stuff.

I agree. It's the same reason I see children under the age of 5 in R rated movies at 11:00 PM on a Saturday night, or kids running around a nice restaurant creating chaos while their parents sit there enjoying their meal oblivious to what their precious little darlings are doing to ruin the dining experience for everyone else, or kids running around a store creating a mess while Mom ignores them, or any of the dozens of other examples I see almost daily. Somehow we've ended up with a big group of parents, many from my own generation, that have no parenting skills whatsoever. Yeah I know I don't have any children of my own so who am I to judge... but still, a lot of the stuff I see kids getting away with in public these days we would have never tried to pull when I was a kid, because we knew we'd be in trouble with Mom and Dad and that the punishment would not be fun. I'm not saying I was the perfect child, because I wasn't. But when I was bad, I paid the price and learned that what I had done would not be tolerated, and I shouldn't do it again. It's called discipline, and it's something that's obviously lacking in a lot of homes these days.

[Houston1stWordOnTheMoon]

I agree. It's the same reason I see children under the age of 5 in R rated movies at 11:00 PM on a Saturday night, or kids running around a nice restaurant creating chaos while their parents sit there enjoying their meal oblivious to what their precious little darlings are doing to ruin the dining experience for everyone else, or kids running around a store creating a mess while Mom ignores them, or any of the dozens of other examples I see almost daily. Somehow we've ended up with a big group of parents, many from my own generation, that have no parenting skills whatsoever. Yeah I know I don't have any children of my own so who am I to judge... but still, a lot of the stuff I see kids getting away with in public these days we would have never tried to pull when I was a kid, because we knew we'd be in trouble with Mom and Dad and that the punishment would not be fun. I'm not saying I was the perfect child, because I wasn't. But when I was bad, I paid the price and learned that what I had done would not be tolerated, and I shouldn't do it again. It's called discipline, and it's something that's obviously lacking in a lot of homes these days.

Good post.

I dont think you have to be a parent inorder to make the dead on observations that you have made in your post. Parents need to take a more active and positive role in the lives of thier kids. If they arent able to do it alone, there should be active participation from family members. Amazing, when theres a strong and active family unit in place, these sorts of bad behaviors are greatly minimize or nonexistent.

I have 2 boys. They are 18 and 19. I consider them to be adults now, but i dont consider my role as dad to be over until i am dead! I am active in thier lives still, but not as much as i was when they were younger. I have comfortably loosened the reins because i am confident in the foundation the wife and i built for our boys. They come from a strong family unit with good values and a family unit with a strong focus on proper and improper behavior. We didnt wait to be active parents later in thier lives, it began at birth and that makes a world of difference. There are many parents on this forum that can probably relate. There are probably many people on this forum, such as yourself, that dont have kids, but can relate due to thier proper upbringing.

[Vertigo58]

There are many parents on this forum that can probably relate. There are probably many people on this forum, such as yourself, that dont have kids, but can relate due to thier proper upbringing.

Thank you,

Society doesn't want parents to touch their children to discipline them which only fuels the problem.

I recall while in church services we kids would start to snicker at a baby or something amusing. I was convinced my mom had an invisible mom-radar or would see us in the corner of her eye. She slowly and unbeknownst to the crowd would lean over and pinch the hell out of my arm. Tears started flowing and I stopped acting up. It worked and it wasnt a slap or punch, but I learned to respect especially in a house of worship.

We also got paddled up until Junior High school, quite humiliating and it worked. I was afraid to get in trouble as I knew I would have to face the principal and his large wooded paddled riddled with holes (for extra pain) plus them calling my mom to give her the low down. I learned. It straightened me out.

[PasadenaTexan]

Thank you,

Society doesn't want parents to touch their children to discipline them which only fuels the problem.

I recall while in church services we kids would start to snicker at a baby or something amusing. I was convinced my mom had an invisible mom-radar or would see us in the corner of her eye. She slowly and unbeknownst to the crowd would lean over and pinch the hell out of my arm. Tears started flowing and I stopped acting up. It worked and it wasnt a slap or punch, but I learned to respect especially in a house of worship.

We also got paddled up until Junior High school, quite humiliating and it worked. I was afraid to get in trouble as I knew I would have to face the principal and his large wooded paddled riddled with holes (for extra pain) plus them calling my mom to give her the low down. I learned. It straightened me out.

Been there done that!

My mom, god rest her soul was diffinantly the one in charge. I remember mom would load all 5 of us up to go to church and we knew the rule while we were in God's house we, had better be angels, 9 out of 10 times all it took from our mom was that look she would give us and we stopped in our tracks. Once when mom and were over at my grandparents home for the day, papaw and I became buddies and out of nowhere I heard mom holler my whole name and told me to watch my mouth and to not talk to my papaw that way ever again, and to this day I don't even know what I said wrong.

My mom did not have to punish us often because we knew we were Loved and knew how much she had to sacrifice to put food on the table and a roof over our heads. Quality time does not always equate out be equaled by quantity of time. But back in those days God was allowed to attend school with me, that blanketty blank Ohare should have been shot way back when. Good old fashioned manners are sadly lacking in the youth of today.

[Houston1stWordOnTheMoon]

I heard mom holler my whole name

This made me laugh!!

My mom used to do that when my brother and i were younger. That hollering was usually followed by her chasing me and my brother through the house with either a broom handle or a mom handle We grew way tall at an early age and shes a short woman The mop and broom handles were used to minimized our height over her

The whole name thing was a strong sign that you were in trouble ;)

[Guest Marty]

I remember my dad whipping my donkey once when i came through the front door with alcohol on my breath 16 vs. a 50 year old man, got beat up anyway I spent 3 day's in West Dallas juvenile detention center. :closedeyes: this was around 1991

Edited May 3, 2007 by Marty

[dbigtex56]

A parent who allows a television set or internet access in a pre-teen's bedroom is asking for trouble.

[houstonmacbro]

A parent who allows a television set or internet access in a pre-teen's bedroom is asking for trouble.

Yeah. There is a lot of 'raw' stuff on the 'Net ... and sometimes it even bothers me. And I am pretty liberal and 41 years old!

[nmm]

Ive noticed one thing, American families are really degenerate and out of control. If i ever tried to hit my mom, my whole family would take turns slapping me. Then my extended family, the neighborhood, the milkman, the trashman, and the mail man.

I guess its due to difference in culture. But Central Asians also have a high sense of independence, we just dont allow it to get in the way of filial piety and social harmony. Limits on everything.

American women are afraid of being "bad mothers" because the use of force is seen as a loss of control of your kids in the first place; or deconstructive child rearing. My mom always thought that humans have the potential to go in infinite ways i.e. any 360 degrees in a circle; and it was a mothers job to steer them in the right direction, using force if neccessary.

Edited May 12, 2007 by nmm

[musicman]

Not to White people: learn child rearing from black people.

they'll grow up before you know it!

[Houston1stWordOnTheMoon]

they'll grow up before you know it!

Oh my! A kid covered in war paint before she can spell her name, yikes!!

[Vertigo58]

Oh my! A kid covered in war paint before she can spell her name, yikes!!

That aint nothin, theres a new toy on the market for girls age 7 plus. It is a kit that come with a CD to play Men's Club type music (stripper), a garter belt, a pole, etc. Then that TV show called Pussycat something? shows them how to aspire to be erotic table dancer's. I'm just too old school I guess.