KatieDidIt Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Galleria Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold in Uptown Park. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie- cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. NOTE: Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version. Sugar Land Barbie: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Greenspoint Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills. The Woodlands Barbie: Better known as The Woodlands Bertha, comes in a 200lb size, dressed in a Foley's velour leisure suit with a Coca-cola Big Gulp in hand. Also comes a standard issue, sports sticker covered mini-van and surgically attached cell phone. Commuter Fatigued, Transfer Daily Ken sold separately. Friendswood Barbie: Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband, we meant get an education. Comes with standard issue UT shorts with "U of T" printed largely on the butt. Also comes wearing latest "themed" sorority party T-shirt, hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each carrying the latest in "knock off" Kate Spade bags. Honda Civic, undecided major and drunken backward hat Frat Ken sold separately. Dickinson/Texas City/Santa Fe Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Clear Lake Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends on her boat. Percocet prescription available. Pasadena Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Baytown Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home. West University Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two West U Barbies, and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free. Sharpstown Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Harrisburg/Navigation Barbie: This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Skippers in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cowboy hat, shovel and work gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Telemundo bumper sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Guadalupe rear window stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are not available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available for Navigation Barbie or Ken. Montrose Barbie/Ken: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.A.S.O.N. Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 lol, I was going to, but now I'm afraid to ask about the "Galveston Barbie" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
editor Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Katie, you're my hero. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YakuzaIce Posted August 16, 2005 Share Posted August 16, 2005 Very funny. Did you write all of these yourself? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GoAtomic Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 You forgot the 'Memorial & The Villages' Barbie .... can't wait to hear this description... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Subdude Posted August 18, 2005 Share Posted August 18, 2005 This is one of those jokes where people can snap in the name of any local neighborhood or town. I saw the same thing with Philadelphia places inserted. Btw, the West U descripton is WAY off base. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ssullivan Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 This thing's been floating around the Internet for a few years and resurfaced recently. I first saw it about three or four years ago, and then within the last two weeks several people have sent it to me again.And I agree that the West U one is way off. I thought that the first time I saw this way back when. None of the tofu-eating, Subaru-driving, no makeup Birkenstock-wearing lesbians I know live in West U. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RedScare Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 Heights maybe, but not West U. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RyanJX5 Posted August 19, 2005 Share Posted August 19, 2005 Some of the barbie do seem kinda off Here is one that would be true aka socialite barbie River Oaks barbie: this is the jet setter barbie available only by invitation. She comes complete with a famous hairstylist named Ceron,a Bentley,and a mansion available in Georgian,Colonial,Tudor or your very own Versailles replica.A slightly older Ken is sold with a Gulfstream. Comes with the Chanel 05 collection straight from Paris. Summer Villa in southern France, vintage estate jewelry, personal shopper from Neimans,and well known divorve attorney all sold seperately. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PureAuteur Posted September 10, 2005 Share Posted September 10, 2005 Jersey Village/Cypress Barbie:Comes with a red Ford Expedition decorated nicely with George W. Bush '04 sticker and children's sports decals. Clothing only comes in the colors red, white, and blue. Used to be attractive in her days past, but is now a washed up baby boomer with no life. Comes with Perry Home brochures, so you can help her buy a new house. Also comes with a television, so you can have Barbie watch Fox News when she's not driving her kids all over town in her Expedition. Ken also available in Golf Apparel, nicely tucked in shirt, and hair parted on the side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
VicMan Posted September 18, 2005 Share Posted September 18, 2005 Lemme think of another one...The new West U Barbie...* Athletic shorts and a tight T-shirt.* A minivan filled with Cheerios complete with stickers from West U Elementary/Pershing Middle/Lanier Middle/Lamar High/Whatever school* A Tudor or Colonial house built only a few months ago* Always shops at Whole Foods Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DJ V Lawrence Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 I wonder what FEMA Barbie would be like! Never punctual? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
west20th Posted September 19, 2005 Share Posted September 19, 2005 What about the Heights Barbie? It would probably have some of the same attributes as the Montrose Barbie. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CaptAWACS Posted September 21, 2005 Share Posted September 21, 2005 Some are a bit off IMO but funny none-the less. I deal with plenty of Mid-town/new 4th ward Barbies and there is nothing wrong with that Ciao, and Hook 'em Horns, Capt-AWACS, Friends don't let friends live in Oklahoma Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BayouCityGirl Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 Galleria Barbie: This princess Barbie is only sold in Uptown Park. She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired foreign dog named Honey, and a cookie- cutter house. Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift. NOTE: Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with "augmented" version. Sugar Land Barbie: This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar minivan and matching velour gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell phone sold separately. Greenspoint Barbie: This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9 mm handgun, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This model is only available after dark and can only be paid for in cash, preferably small, untraceable bills. The Woodlands Barbie: Better known as The Woodlands Bertha, comes in a 200lb size, dressed in a Foley's velour leisure suit with a Coca-cola Big Gulp in hand. Also comes a standard issue, sports sticker covered mini-van and surgically attached cell phone. Commuter Fatigued, Transfer Daily Ken sold separately. Friendswood Barbie: Short, highly tanned and ready to land a husband, we meant get an education. Comes with standard issue UT shorts with "U of T" printed largely on the butt. Also comes wearing latest "themed" sorority party T-shirt, hair in pony tail and a gaggle of similar looking friends, each carrying the latest in "knock off" Kate Spade bags. Honda Civic, undecided major and drunken backward hat Frat Ken sold separately. Dickinson/Texas City/Santa Fe Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Clear Lake Barbie: This collagen injected, rhino-plastic Barbie wears a leopard print spandex outfit and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends on her boat. Percocet prescription available. Pasadena Barbie: This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased Beer-Gut Ken out of Baytown Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also available with a mobile home. West University Barbie: This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight faded blue hair, archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two West U Barbies, and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker for free. Sharpstown Barbie: This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his '79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant. Harrisburg/Navigation Barbie: This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with expired temporary plates and three baby Skippers in the back seat, but no car seats. The optional Ken doll comes with a cowboy hat, shovel and work gloves. Ken comes with his own 1979 Ford pickup with a Telemundo bumper sticker, tinted windows, and Our Lady of Guadalupe rear window stickers. Truck is painted primer gray, but wheels and rims are not available. Comes with cement blocks. Green cards are not available for Navigation Barbie or Ken. Montrose Barbie/Ken: This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply adding or subtracting the multiple "snap-on" parts.You forgot Chinatown Barbie complete with Toyota Corolla (and a Bellaire sign in English and Asian) (yea I'm a bit tired...can't ya tell). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
monkeemaven Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Dickinson/Texas City/Santa Fe Barbie: This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small, a NASCAR shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr., CD set. She can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a Confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.Sounds like an Alvin Barbie too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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