CDeb

In honor of Lance Berkman becoming a certified bad@$$, here are some facts about Lance Berkman (with apologies to Chuck Norris). They were saying some of these on 610 AM on Monday afternoon:

There are two kinds of people in this world: people who suck, and Lance Berkman.

Lance Berkman can divide by zero.

Lance Berkman sweats Snapple.

Lance Berkman doesn't wear a watch, He decides what time it is.

Children wear Superman pajamas, but Superman wears Lance Berkman pajamas.

Lance Berkman can touch MC Hammer.

Lance Berkman won a staring contest with the Sun.

Lance Berkman swallowed a Rubik's Cube and pooped it out solved.

Lance Berkman plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.

Lance Berkman can kill two stones with one bird.

It is considered a great accomplishment to go down Niagara Falls in a wooden barrel. Lance Berkman can go up Niagara Falls in a cardboard box.

Lance Berkman's dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Lance Berkman will not take s**t from anyone.

Lance Berkman's calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd; no one fools Lance Berkman.

When Lance Berkman jumps in a pool he dosen

I avoid the Willowbrook area, but not because the area has become ghetto, but because the traffic is horrific.

Isn't the Jack in the Box and Sports Authority at Mills and 1960, one traffic light away from Willowbrook Mall?

Yup.

Stocker.

What do grocery stores have to do with Discovery Green?

That's awesome!

Good thing they're moving to Freemont. I can't imagine anyone wanting to pay a premium to live near where their current diamond is.

I really like CDeb. I couldn't agree with CDeb's comments more.

Remember, I said the Jazz blow.

I have to admit, being a Utah Jazz fan, you probably know much more about character and integrity than us Rockets fans.

Karl Malone - Father of the Year

Uhh... probably don't want to go there, Red.

*cough* *cough* Calvin Murphy *cough* *cough*

Perhaps because prior to that date, it was their country, their state, and their city?

If "they're" living here, it wasn't "their" anything back then, but it's "their's" now.

Are any of you that are still whining about the name change of a team you likely do not support the same ones that blew a gasket over the Absolut ad? Just wondering.

I went to several Dynamo games last season and have tickets for several more this year. So much for that red herring.

I didn't blow a gasket over the Absolut ad, although I did think it was idiotic, just like opposition to the name "1836."

Now let's see what happens in SLC.

On an average night, not much.

I took my daughter to DG on Saturday morning. There were a lot of folks in the park, even with the overcast/drizzly weather. They still had the Saturday morning yoga on the stage, which was really cool to see in such a setting. There was also a child's birthday party going on. The fountains that the kids can play in are very cool.

I've got to say, this is a gorgeous park in a great setting: convention center on one side, skyscrapers on the other. Toyota Center on one side, MMP on the other. I'm really proud that we have something like this in Houston and I can see its popularity exploding.

why why why would anyone swim in that...I guess the parents don't have common sense to know that it is not a pool...

Kids will jump into any puddle deep enough.

Wow, all these Louisana folks...

I THOUGHT I could smell corndogs.

Just because I'm from Loozianer doesn't mean I am an LSU fan.

Did anybody hear why Bourne didn't play last night? Was it just to give him a day off?

Resting a sore groin.

I H-A-T-E the Kansas City airport.

But this Utah Jazz team will hang championship banners.

Funny, I remember hearing the same thing about Malone and co.

And "will hang" ain't the same thing as "has hung." Until you turn the former into the latter, we're always going to have scoreboard on you and smack from Jazz fans will always stink with the odor of "lame."

Oh, and have a nice day!

How about: Education and Healthcare

As a native and former resident of Louisiana, I can tell you that Texas is at the very least No. 49 in education and health care.

This is great news. Wasn't Dallas trying to say that the entire DFW area had more fortune 500 companys than the Houston area at one point? I'm confused.

I think that was the "number of millionaires/billionaires" thread.

I am happy to announce that I contribute to Houston's high percentage of multi-thousandaires.

They were actually quite forward thinking at the time but when those things were built in the 1960's the designers had absolutely no concept of the volume of travelers and planes that would pass through the airport 40 years later. Those "banjos" are somewhat efficient in getting passengers to the planes and fitting the planes into the space around the terminal, but there is very little space inside the little pod for passengers to sit and wait.

The designers also did not anticipate the unpredictability of today's airport "security" wait times, causing passengers to arrive hours ahead of their flight and then wait by their gate for much of that time. Now you have at least two flights worth of passengers waiting by the gate instead of just one.

Congrats on your looming first round win and getting to hang another banner.

Call us when one of those banners says "NBA CHAMPIONS" on it.

Gosh, you got me there.

If the NBA handed out trophies for second-rounda championships, the Jazz humiliate us!

Flopping only gets you so far, I guess.

Kirilenko continues the grand tradition of Jazz floppers...

Nice Robert Horry flop.

But as far as the "All You can eat" promos, I'm kinda' against it. The lines last forever.

Not only do the lines last forever, but they run out of food. On dollar hot dog nights, you see pigs with trays of 30 dogs and other people turned away because they've run out.

Went to the zoo briefly on Sunday morning (the membership is good for quick visits when you're in the area and have some time to kill).

One thing I believe our zoo needs is more parking. The zoo lot was completely full by 11 am on Sunday (and parking along Golf Course Drive was full as well), but once you got inside, the zoo didn't feel crowded at all (no line to get in, no line at concessions, no crowds at popular exhibits). The zoo holds a lot more folks than the parking lot can handle.

On a day where we'd have more time, I'd contemplate parking elsewhere and taking the train. Is there a good free place to park along the Red Line on weekends?

EDIT: because I can't spell

Actually, the church's position is Don't do it until we come up with a decision, but for now don't do it. It's currently under review, and I agree with you about everything after the semicolon.

How do you figure, editor? I don't get that take from reading Humanae Vitae, which seems pretty decisive to me.