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wxman

Out of the Walk-In

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So you may have noticed that there is a bright, flashy new profile pic of a rainbow flag by my screen name. I'm kinda slowly starting the process of coming to terms with who I am. It's tough for me. If you were to see me in person, there would be a moment of cognitive dissonance; as in a moment of "wait a minute, HE'S THE GAY GUY? Totally under the radar here. I keep my private life to myself and fit in well with the 'popular' crowd. Deep down though, having nobody know who I am really, kind of eats me up inside. The simple fact that I felt compelled to tell you I'm the jocky type is a sure sign that I'm most uncomfortable writing this.

Either way, I'm looking forward to coming to terms with who I am and looking forward to knowing me a little better. What's funny is my parents have strong conservative values but vote democrat and their gay son is the republican. LOL. Go figure.

Anybody else here in my boat? Anybody else here gay and feel like they have little in common with the mainstream gay community?

Edited by wxman

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Not gay, but happy that you are being honest with yourself. If you ever want to hang with a non-judgmental crowd, come join us at one of our HAIF happy hours. Several in the group are gay, and the rest of us don't care. Seriously, we are nothing like how we act on here. Well, most of us. In fact, we are trying to set one up next week.

Good luck.

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Ahhh, I actually live in Florida now but grew up in Houston (The Woodlands) for 22 years. I'll be back for Thanksgiving. May be fun to join.

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Not gay, but congratulations on feeling more confident with yourself. I don't think you have to feel like you have to fit any stereotypes to be who you are. You're certainly not the only gay Republican I know, nor the only one from parents with very traditional values.

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I wish to throw in my congrats as well.

If you don't mind my asking, what finally triggered this?

Had another friend come out of the closet recently, It was a "no duh!" moment.

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Congrats! With me, I never had to deal with coming out. I just am who I am and always have been. I've never had any issues with family, friends or work. Then again, I've never made it an issue. I don't associate myself with any particular political party, even though I voted straight ticket dem this time. I was just afraid of risking Romney because, in fact, I am better off than I was 4 years ago. Well, financially anyway. Being 4 years older is not so great.

By the way, you sound like my type - Wink. LOL! Hopefully you can join us for happy hour one day.

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Haha, well, I wish beyond anything to move back to Houston. I'm about a year and a half away from getting back there. But back to the topic at hand, everybody around me has been ulta supportive. Nobody around me cares. My parents were floored and dad took it bad but is over it.

I eventually came to the realization that I was miserable not being able to date or express my feelings to somebody. The turning point is when my mom had asked me about a good friend of mine who's 26 and never has had a girlfriend. She asked me if he was gay. She went on to say that it didn't matter anyway because he's like family. Then she turned the tables on me and said, ''well, are you?" I lied and said no (in a very frustrated way). That night, I just walked into her room, sat on the bed, took a deep breath, looked at the clock and started crying (and shaking uncontrolably) and just blurted it out. Mom's reaction? "I know. I've known for 10 years.'' LOL. Moms, gotta love 'em.

What makes it hard to come out is the social stigma that comes with it. I want to be known as the jovial guy, the weather guy (which i really am), the funny guy or whatever. I just don't want to be known as the ''gay guy.'' In my head, that is insulting. I'm so much more and I carry myself in a way that fits more in with frat guys than somebody at a pride parade. I hate that people who are ''free spirited'' at parades like that are my spokesperson for my way of life; flamboyancy, guys wearing panties, shaved legs, ect.. but then again, it may be jealousy as they are truely free of themselves and I am not. Like anybody in rehab, my days of being totally comfortable are eons away, but I can start making steps to embrace a totally awesome human being and find a chance to really find unconditional love with somebody--me.

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It seems like if you apply that two-sentence philosophy to everybody, it ascribes ultimate value to our comfort zones. That becomes mighty impersonal, interpersonally.* So, taken on its own terms, it is likely self-defeating to put the person at the center of life.

*For example, the rest that doesn't matter includes other people's comfort zones.

Edited by strickn

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The only thing I ask is that you don't become a militant gay.

Had a friend that was one and alienated a number of his straight and a few of his gay friends.

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Congrats on your personal progress, and I hope it leads you to greater happiness. I am a little dumbfounded by your association with the GOP, particularly in light of their 2012 party platform pledging to ban gay marriage. But to each his own, I suppose.

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That's ok.

I lost my Mexican card when I voted for Romney.

Just because you're a minority, your vote for a political party is not predetermined.

Anyone that thinks and does that, imho, is an idiot.

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Republicans seems to be socially inept. Democrats seem to be fiscally inept. I don't want to be associated with either group.

No matter, good on you wxman. It sucks that there's so much social stigma still associated with who you are. Things are turning around though.

As far as being in the popular crowd, don't be afraid to be who you are with your friends, if they're worth having as friends, they will accept you for who you are. People who can't accept you for who you are aren't worth keeping around!

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Oh! And by the way, what I meant by "militant gay" is that they are hardcore in their beliefs that homosexuality is the way to go and take offence over any percieved slight.

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Oh! And by the way, what I meant by "militant gay" is that they are hardcore in their beliefs that homosexuality is the way to go and take offence over any percieved slight.

The "way to go"? Like, they don't believe heterosexuality exists? I'm confused.

To the OP, don't worry about any characterizations of what type of people are 'normally' gay. There are all types of gays, and being gay doesn't mean you should feel compelled to act any certain way.

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The "way to go"? Like, they don't believe heterosexuality exists? I'm confused.

To the OP, don't worry about any characterizations of what type of people are 'normally' gay. There are all types of gays, and being gay doesn't mean you should feel compelled to act any certain way.

There are all types of people, never mind their sexual preferences.

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Oh! And by the way, what I meant by "militant gay" is that they are hardcore in their beliefs that homosexuality is the way to go and take offence over any percieved slight.

I'm guessing they feel that way about themselves and not others. If they are easily offended by perceived slights, there is probably a hurtful backstory driving that as a defensive mechanism.

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Kudos on coming out.

I came out in 1992. While I am a very liberal Democrat, I am a horrible gay guy. 95% of my friends are straight, I couldn't tell you the last time I stepped foot in a gay bar, my wardrobe is made up mostly of college t-shirts, I drink beer, I tailgate at football games, and my diet involves cheeseburgers rather than protein shakes. I also haven't been on a date since my relationship ended 2 years ago...

I think I need to return my toaster.

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Having a similar experience but a little later in life than the OP. I also do not fit into the stereotype and feel a bit of a disconnect with the gay community.

Despite a lot of complication with my situation, I definitely relate to the OP, besides the whole Republican thing. ;-)

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